The Key to Remembrance
by everlastingdaydreams
Summary: "It will be as if I never existed." If only he knew how true those words would become. Can Edward help Bella regain her memories without revealing his secret?
1. Summary

**The Key to Remembrance-Summary**

"It will be as if I never existed." When Edward spoke those words he never imagined exactly how true they would become. He'd left to insure Bella's safety and he'd hoped that she would move on in life but selfishly, he wished that she would occasionally look back and think of the good memories. He hoped she would think of the thrill of first love and the closeness with fond memories. In his most pessimistic moments, his best hope was that she would be angry instead of in pain. But never, once in his wildest imaginations, did he imagine how completely and utterly she would come to forget him, only months after his departure from Forks. Never had he imagined that if they came to meet again, that she wouldn't even know his name.

With a stupid mistake and one bad decision, Isabella Swan's childhood and teenage memories leaked away. Months after being cleared by the hospital, she still can't replace the memories that she lost. All she now knows about her life is what the people of Forks have deemed necessary for her to know. Yet she swears that they're holding something back. She finds herself reaching for someone in the dead of night and dreaming of a meadow that she has no conscious recollection of. No person, place or object that she has found has yet held the key that will unlock all of her memories. Something is missing, something Bella is searching for. The only problem is that she has no idea what she's looking for. So when she sees a strangers on the street who she recognizes, she does everything she can to drag the memories out of him. But like everyone else, he seems to be hiding something. He denies ever being involved with her, but why then, does she remember kissing him? Whatever he's hiding, she's sure is the key to unlocking everything, if only she can convince him to trust her with the truth.

**Any comments? Thoughts? Is this story worth continuing?**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters.**

**And the town in the story is a figment of my imagination, molded to fit what I need. **

**The Key to Remembrance-Chapter One**

It was raining again. I'd been wandering around aimlessly for the past few hours, finding comfort in the rain. It was puzzling, according to Charlie, I'd hated Forks because of the continual rain but now, in Dawn, I found myself searching for something. The problem with it all, is that I have no idea what I am searching for. But I've found myself dreading the heat of sunlight, because with it disappeared my hope at finding whatever it was. I blearily wiped the raindrops out of my eyes and stared around me. I was one of the only people stupid enough to wander around in this storm. With a sigh, I stepped into the coffee shop that sat on the corner of my block.

It was empty besides for myself, the person at the counter and a man at one of the tables on a computer. I ordered myself a latte before wandering to the window, sipping it, and staring into the rain. A few people hurried through the rain, coats and umbrellas protecting them from the downpour. Cars drove slowly down the road, windshield wipers working furiously, headlights penetrating the drops. The people were relatively unremarkable, probably just trying to get home and out of the rain before it got any later.

I slowly sipped on my latte, my watchful eyes taking in every person wandering past me. But nothing sparked a memory. Nothing caught and held my eye for more than a few seconds. Nothing brought back the years of my life that I'd forgotten. Gazing sightlessly into the downpour, I remembered the dream that I'd had last night.

_I was sitting in this meadow, waiting for someone. I kept looking into the surrounding forest, as though someone might appear. The meadow was small, the only pool of light in the center of the darkened forest. Flowers sprung up; wildflowers of all different colors, violet, red, pink, and blue, throughout the meadow. Somewhere close, there was a brook bubbling musically. I ran my hands through the flowers, puffs of petals sprinkling upward and enveloping me. I heard a noise, a rustling of leaves and I spun around to greet the person I knew would be meeting me there... and I awoke, my arms reaching for someone who wasn't there, someone who I couldn't remember. _

Shaking my head, I focused back in on the rainy street. Maybe I didn't know what I was searching for, but I damn well was sure it was here. Whatever it was... damn it. Why the hell had I decided to get on the damn motorcycle? Everyone told me that it wasn't normal behavior for me, no one had any idea why I'd chosen to do it. AT least that was what they claimed. Every time I mentioned regaining my memories, they would assure me that it was no rush and comment that maybe I was better not remembering. They knew something. But whatever it was, they weren't going to tell me willingly and I probably wouldn't ever remember. The doctors told me that there was a 40% chance that I would never regain my memories, that my mind would remain a blank slate. Unless I found something, something to unlock my memories. And everything within me pointed here, to Dawn, to the perpetual rain and unknown. Something was here. Someone, something that could open this lock inside of me.

I just needed to find it, I thought frustratedly. This was my third month in Dawn, two years after the accident. Finishing high school had taken eternity, as soon as graduation was over I'd been out of there, on my way to Dawn. But so far the trip had been useless, I was close to giving up. At one point I'd seen a flash of perfect blonde hair in a crowd, and it'd sparked something. A house, no, more like a mansion. Somewhere in the woods, trees flashed passed me. And then...nothing. The unknown blonde disappeared and I was left, frustrated, no closer to the truth than ever. Nothing since that moment, weeks ago.

Finishing my latte and throwing the cup into the trash, I stepped out into the rain, unprotected, raising my head to the drops. They cleansed me, gave me hope that I was going to find my key. I walked the last few blocks to my apartment, walked up the steps and slowly unlocked it, closing it behind me and throwing my wet sweater in the corner. My apartment wasn't much, small, dingy. But it was home for now. Home until I decided to move on if I couldn't find what I was looking for here. The money from the settlement of my accident was substantial, more than enough to keep me housed in Dawn for a long time. Apparently, the brakes of my bike had gone out while I was riding and panicking, I'd jerked the wheel harder than needed to avoid a tree and I'd spun out. I'd broken my leg, an arm, a few ribs and gotten a concussion from which the amnesia had resulted. The three former had healed in months, but the latter hadn't healed after over two years.

I rummaged through my cupboards, throwing out a box of cereal that I swore moved when I looked inside, and finally settling on a can of soup. Those things didn't have an expiration date, did they? I grabbed a spoon and ate it cold, since my microwave broke the first time I'd tried to use it. Actually, it was more like smoked and caught fire the first time I tried to use it. I was afraid to even try and open the oven, weird noises came from there in the middle of the night sometimes. Slurping up the soup, I reopened the vampire book I'd bought the other day and started to read.

* * *

The next day, I donned a raincoat and wandered to my job. I'd managed to hook a gig at a gas station within walking distance of my place. All I had to do was man the cash register and occasionally go out and pump gas if Jonas, the owner, or his son Connor, 'Mac, was on break. I shrugged off my raincoat as I made it inside, flipped the sign to "Open," and plopped myself in the stool behind the counter. I was flipping through the nearest magazine when I heard the chime of the door. Glancing up, with a smile, ready to help someone, Mac walked in. God, he's built, I thought with a smile.

"Bella!" He came behind the counter, dumping a plastic bag on the counter, and setting his hands on my shoulder as he leaned over my shoulder to look at the magazine I was going through. "Who the hell is Courtney Cox?" he asked. "And why do you care that she's getting a divorce?"

"She's from Friends and a bunch of other stuff," I told him distractedly as I absorbed the warm weight of his hands massaging my shoulders.

"And," he brushed my hair over my shoulder to get a better massaging grip, "again, why do I care?"

"You don't," I groaned, his hands felt magical.

"What I don't get," Is why people buy these things." Seriously, no one could give a better massage than Mac, it was crazy. His hands were heaven. "Aren't their own lives interesting enough? What's so interesting about reading about a bunch of people you've never met before? People you never will meet."

I laughed, looking over my shoulder to meet his smiling, green eyes. "I don't really know, Mac. Maybe our own lives are just so boring that we need to know someone is doing something with their lives even if we aren't."

"Well, I think rather than moping around and reading about it, you should go out and make something of yourself."

"I should? As in just me?" I laughed, "Reading about, quote" He cracked a grin as I did little air quotes around my head "'a bunch of people I've never met' unquote, is something to do to pass the time while I have to sit here waiting for people to come in this dump." I grinned at him, wrinkling my nose.

Tapping my nose, he playfully scowled at me, before pulling up a stool and digging in the bad he'd brought. He handed me a Monster, which I gratefully accepted and cracked open. "So," he said casually tipping back on two legs of his stool. "Why don't you get out there and make something of yourself? Do something exciting."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I tried that once. Didn't work out to well. All of this, " I rapped my knuckles on the side of my head. "is a blank slate now. And I don't even remember what the thrill was like." I gave an exaggerated sigh. I loved joking with Mac because talking about my not so recent amnesia didn't hurt as much with him. He had a way of making your deepest fears and hurts go away. And the fact that he was totally nice to look at didn't hurt either. He was probably around 6' with black, shaggy hair. His eyes were endless, always crinkling with amusement and his mouth was always quirked from some inside joke.

The first time I'd met him, I'd been scared out of my mind because even though, in my heart, I knew leaving Forks and moving to Dawn was the right thing to do, leaving home, leaving what I'd relearned and the location I'd recovered at had been hard. It'd been an unusual day, it hadn't been raining, just overcast and I'd decided that I was going crazy from not doing anything besides people watching and needed a distraction. I'd wandered by the gas station and seen the "Help Wanted" sign and gone in. Mac had soothed my fear of working entirely with strangers after a few minutes and I'd ended up laughing my butt off with a promise of a job if I came back the next day. Well, I'd returned and hadn't looked back since.

Something was here in Dawn. I could sense it, my gut told me that I just needed to wait. But when you don't know what you're looking for, it's impossible. I can't go around asking, "have you seen them?" or ask people if they know what I'm looking for, because I don't know. I have to wait for something to come to me and it is unbelievably frustrating. But Jonas, Mac and Lexis, Jonas's wife, were really my only friends in Dawn, unless you count my slightly paranoid neighbor, Jamie. I sighed and stared out the storefront window, Mac clasping my shoulder gently. There was something here. I just needed to be patient. Isn't that what people always say? If you stop looking for it, then it will show up when you're least expecting it. They never mention how hard it is to stop looking though. The key to my memories was somewhere in Dawn, I just needed to find it or really, I needed to let it find me.

**thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the wait, without further ado...**

**Chapter Two**

Jamie tossed me a Dr. Pepper before sinking back into her couch with her own. "Any luck with your search yet?"

I shook my head with a sigh. "No, I think it's hopeless. There's nothing here, I don't know why I ever believed that there was. I've never been to Dawn before, why would something here help me remember?" I frowned as I stared out the window of Jamie's window into the rain. It was hard to get through days like this sometimes. Days that my quest for my memories seemed useless. Maybe I was destined to never remember, destined to travel through the rest of my life with no idea what had happened in the first seventeen years of my life. But I was missing part of myself, I needed to remember. I pressed my head against the fogged, cold window. "I don't know what to do, Jamie."

She came over to me and gently pulled me away from the window, tugging the drapes closed. "Don't do that, people can see you from outside. And anyways, when you're meant to remember, you'll remember. Don't try to force it."

"I just wish they'd tell me!" I burst out, slamming my palm against the wall. "They know something, they all do! Why won't they tell me what happened? Jacob even had the gall to say that maybe losing my memory was for the best! What the hell happened to me?" I resented the residents of Forks. Any of them could tell me what was being left out; I knew that much down to my gut.

Jamie sighed. "I don't know, Bella. If I could tell you, I would. What about your friends from high school?" We'd gone over this already, she knew that.

"What friends? I didn't have any friends, Jamie. I don't know the reason for that either, every time I spoke to someone from my grade, they would act like we used to be friends a long time ago, but for some reason I just stopped talking to everyone. Why did I stop talking to everyone? What happened to me that made me pull away from everyone?" I swore, asking the same useless, unanswerable questions over and over again. I chugged my Dr. Pepper before throwing the can in the bin. "I think I'm going to head over to my place and get some sleep. Maybe things will look better in the morning. "

"Are you going to that coffee shop again?" She looked worried. "Maybe I'll come with you this time."

"You don't need to do that, Jamie. You've got a date with Brent, remember? I'll be fine. I just want to go one last time. I feel like…" I trailed off. I wasn't sure why I felt like I needed to go to the coffee shop again. I'd been going there every morning I had off for a few weeks and so far nothing had turned up. But something in me forced me to go back and watch out those steamed windows.

She sighed again, "Okay, but if you need me, call me. And watch your back, there are some creepy people out there."

I rolled my eyes at her with a smile. "I'll be careful. 'Night."

I wandered back to my cold apartment across the hall, fell into my bed, and dreamed of memories I couldn't find.

EPOV

Agony. That was the only way to describe it, this gut wrenching feeling. It had been two years. Two years of this burning pain in my chest that refused to go away. Nothing could soothe it, only Bella. "Bella," I whispered. My eyes burned with tears I couldn't shed. My angel. I pressed my hand to the foggy window of the small coffee shop I was in. I was going crazy, I swore I could smell her. If I had been in the right frame of mind, I would have thought she had been here. But this wasn't the first false alarm I'd caused, so I ignored it.

It had happened once in Vermont, I'd been so sure she was there, even though the rest of my family couldn't smell her. I'd forced them to pack up and move on, once again. But that had been when I was with them. I'd left their company a year ago, unable to stomach their love for one another, their happiness when I was so unbearably miserable. I wanted them to be happy, but I didn't want to have to witness it. Staring at the full prop coffee cup in my hand, I imagined her. Her soft brown eyes smiling into mine as she laid with me in the meadow.

But her smile turned to tears as I ruthlessly told her I didn't want her anymore. How? I thought anguished. How could she believe that? I'd told her that I loved her every day but one harsh word changed her mind. Expecting it to take hours to even put a dent in her faith in me had, in reality, only taken minutes. I missed her. I would always miss her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet, looking at the picture of her. She was so beautiful, laughing with me. I jerked around, suddenly feeling someone behind me.

"Pretty," the little old lady commented. "Is she your wife?"

"No." My voice broke on that small word. The woman's face turned sympathetic as she realized her blunder. My fist clenched and coffee spilled onto my hand. I noticed idly that I'd broken the cup, before I threw it in the trash and rushed out of the building, accidently bumping someone in my rush, trying to block out the tantalizing smell that I knew was in my head.

BPOV

I scowled at the man who shoved past me when I entered the shop. "Asshole," I muttered. I stomped to the counter, ordering my usual. The coffee shop was still mostly empty, which wasn't surprising this early in the morning. I usually didn't show up for another few hours, but after waking up with tears on my face from a dream I didn't remember, I'd wandered to the shop. I sighed, taking my latte over to the window, pressing my hot forehead against it. I smiled when I saw a handprint inches away from my face. Apparently I wasn't the only one who sought the comfort of this window.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I spun around, Jamie's influence on me showing with the way I jumped. A small, older woman was standing behind me, studying my face intently. I smiled at her, uncertainly. "Hi, can I help you with something?"

"You're even more beautiful in person," she said.

"I'm sorry?" Did I know her somehow? "I lost my memory two years ago, so I'm sorry if we knew each other but I don't know who you are."

She looked liked something dawned on her. Then she shook her head. "We've never met, but there was a man in here, just a second before you came in. He had a picture and I would swear upon my grandchildren's lives that the girl in the picture was you." I froze. Was this what I had been searching for?

"You're certain?" I was scared. So scared that she was wrong and that it had been someone else.

She nodded, "He left, not only a minute ago."

I spun around and ran out the door of the shop into the rain, looking desperately each direction. Nothing. There was no one in sight. My shoulders sagged. I'd missed my chance. But realizing something, I perked up and went back inside to the woman. "Do you remember what he looks like?"

"Of course, he looks just like my grandson."

"Do you think you could describe him to the cashier?"

She agreed to try and we spoke with the cashier, my heart beating wildly. "Yup," the girl confirmed, chomping on her gum. "He's been in here before. He always buys a coffee, but he never drinks it. Just stands over by that window with it, looking like his dog died."

I thanked both of them and walked to my apartment, nervous as hell. Was this going to be my chance at unlocking my mysterious past? I needed to find him, figure out if the picture he had was really of me. Because this could be my chance. He might be the key to everything.

**Any love? And do you want EPOVs more or not? I wasn't really sure about adding his thoughts yet so I'll leave it up to you guys…that is, if you review! **


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**BPOV**

I was nervous beyond belief. My hands shook, spilling my latte over the sides of the cup. It was seven a.m. and I was sitting in the corner of the coffee shop, waiting for someone unknown man that someone swore had had a picture of me. Caffeine and no sleep was not a good combination for me, but I'd been so anxious about this morning that I couldn't sleep. I kept running it over and over in my head, wondering what I was going to say to him when I met him. Should I just go up to him and ask "Do you know me?" Or should I ask why he had a picture of me?

Then again, there was always the chance that it hadn't been me in the picture and he had no idea I existed. I knew better then to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help it. This could be the big break that I was waiting for. The key to everything, the key that would give me my life back. Was this man the missing puzzle piece?

I tapped my fingers on my cup, staring at the door, willing him to come in. What if he didn't come? I stopped, suddenly more afraid that he wouldn't come in at all, then if he just didn't know me. If he didn't come back to the shop, I would never know. And I would spend the rest of my days obsessing about it, wondering if he had been the key to everything. I was terrified, now.

I stared at the door, I don't know how many minutes passed. The door started to open and my breath caught in my throat, my shoulder tensed up, and I raised my body from my slouched position, eagerly waiting to see him.. But it was only a woman with her kid, coming in for coffee. I deflated, my hopes dying. He wasn't going to come. Already, two hours had past. Trembling, I grabbed my coat, knowing that if I waited here any longer I would go crazy. Trashing my latte, I pulled the coat over my shoulders and walked out.

And...deja vu. A guy walked in, his shoulder hitting mine. I jerked around to yell at him, when I stopped, staring at him face. He was beautiful. It wasn't the word normally used for guys, but it fit him. His skin was flawless, copper hair fell over his forehead. He completely filled out his black t-shirt. I gaped at him. He shook his head, it seemed like he was refusing to look at me, but he had stopped right next to me.

"No." I heard him mutter, his teeth grit together. But eventually, he slowly turned towards me. I gasped as his amber eyes met mine. And fell into darkness.

_He leaned over me on my bed, his lips slowly touching mine. It was intoxicating, his breath mingling with mine, his cool, hard lips pressing mine. He pulled back. I knew his face. _

_ "_Edward." I whispered.

**EPOV**

I wasn't going to look. I knew that I was crazy, and the first step of preventing it, was not giving in to my delusions. I could see the brown hair of the girl standing next to me, the exact shade of Bella's hair. The scent of her drifted to my nostrils, filling me. I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes. There was no way that it was Bella. I knew it wasn't Bella. But I had to look.

I turned, facing what I knew would hold disappointment. And froze. What the...

Bella collapsed. Terrified, I caught her, my eyes wide, my body trembling with shock. Bella? How did she find me? Why was she in Dawn? And more importantly, what made her collapse? The shock and disgust at seeing me? "Bella." I whispered, cradling her against my chest, desperately searching for what was wrong with her.

She opened her eyes for a moment, looked at my face. And whispered "Edward" before passing out once again in my arms. I stared at her until the noise surrounding us disturbed me. I jerked my head up to see a crowd of people around us, asking if she was all right. I brushed them off, saying something about dehydration and taking her home. I spoke with enough authority that no one questioned that I was someone with that right to take her. I carried her to my apartment, a few blocks away.

I fought the questions in my head as I lay her on my bed and wait for her to regain consciousness. What the hell was she doing here? What was wrong with her? I grit my teeth, debating quickly whether I should grab my stuff and leave. Run as far away as I could to save her. But staring down at her beautiful face, I knew that I couldn't. I had given her up once, I couldn't do it again. "God, Bella," I breathed. I couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes were sunken in farther than they used to. She looked tired, worn, and pale. But that couldn't probably be attributed to whatever was ailing her now.

I frowned, once again searching her for an obvious sign of what was wrong. I knew that when someone fell unconscious, it could last for up to a half an hour before it became dangerous, and only around 10 minutes had passed. But I was worried. So worried that I contemplated calling Carlisle, who I hadn't spoken to in months. Five minutes, I decided, still gazing at her face, drinking in the sight. If she wasn't aware in 5 minutes, I would call Carlisle.

Why was she here? That anguished thought kept running through my head. Had she come to tell me how much she hated me? Had she been heartbroken and followed me? Both scenarios made my heart, that couldn't beat, clench. I'd prayed she'd get over me, after I'd left. But I'd also prayed that she wouldn't hate me. That she'd somehow understand. Watching her, I willed to her awaken. I wanted to see those beautiful brown eyes looking at me, even if they were full of hatred.

The most important question after what was wrong with her, was what was I going to do? I'd walked away, but I knew that I didn't have the altruistic nature that would allow me to be that selfless once again. I couldn't do what I'd done to either of us again. If we were going to part ways, then this time it would be on Bella's terms. I could never walk away from her again, unless she asked. If she asked, when she asked, it would destroy me. But that was okay. If it was what she needed, I would do it.

Her eyes opened as my determination to do what she wanted raged within me. Her chocolate eyes looked directly at me, confusion carved obviously in them. I waited. Waited for her to scream at me, waited for her to cry. God, I hoped she didn't cry. I expected a number of things to happen. What I didn't expect was what actually happened.

I never expected for her to stare up at me with those exquisite eyes and ask. "Do you know me? Do I know you?"

**I'm sorry about the length and the wait. I will hopefully have a computer and internet access in the next one or two months. But until then, do I at least get some love for uploading this? **


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